One of the simple life lessons for today is here – We call them Motivation 101 with Loy!
About six months back, after the completion of one of my book based learning workshops on ‘The Power of Now’, one of the participants quietly waited for the rest to leave. She looked intense and wanted to have a chat with me. I smiled at her and gestured to her to ask her questions.
‘Loyson’, she slowly began, ‘you very easily spoke about letting go in the workshop today’. She paused and took a deep breath. ‘But how can you let go when the other person has destroyed you emotionally and does not care any longer? How should I let go?’ Tears welled up in her eyes. I could see she was trying hard to contain them but was failing miserably. A part of me could understand.
The question she asked required me to sit down to gather up a response. And boy! Was I surprised when I heard the response slip out of my tongue.
‘Don’t forgive!’ I said. ‘In fact, don’t let this anger die down so easily. Anger is a very powerful energy but needs to be directed to produce the right action. Try focusing this energy into developing yourself as an individual rather than pity yourself. Become so good that one day the other person will come to you and acknowledge your presence. I’d like to call this sweet revenge.’ I could see a smile fluttering behind the tears.
Believe you me, I never had heard of the Korean TV series ‘Sweet Revenge’ till then. It was at the spur of the moment and I just coined the term that day with zilch reference to anything.
In my limited stay on earth, I have come across lots of people who carry huge burdens from their past. In most cases, the vengeance that they are carrying is absolutely unknown to the ‘villain’ in their story. But the reason for the vengeance continues to burn them internally. And if they were to calculate the number of hours lost on thinking, over-thinking, analyzing, over-analysing the event that has caused them so much pain, I’m sure they’d be surprised at the quantum of time they have.
Now, think hard about the proposal I have. Do not forgive. Do not let go of that anger. But instead of letting the anger burn inside of you and burn you, direct the anger to help burn the midnight oil instead. Use that energy from the anger to focus on becoming a better version of yourself.
Let me give you a simple example to demonstrate what this emotion can do to us. Recently during the pandemic on one of the days, I stood up from the chair after a long conference call had just ended. I had forty minutes to the next call when I realized that I had promised my wife earlier that day, that I would sweep and mop the floor; put the washed clothes to dry and cut the vegetables for the vegetable pulao that afternoon. I looked at the time and knew that this would be an impossible feat.
I sheepishly walked up to my wife as my kids continued to play scrabble in the balcony. She was engrossed in achieving her deadlines so much that she did not even notice me walk into the bedroom. As I managed to mumble out in gibberish that I will not be able to complete the promised tasks, she yelled back and said that I need to complete what I said I would complete. Announcing her verdict, she went back behind the laptop screen. My initial reaction was that of disbelief and anger but then a wise voice inside me advised me against picking up this battle.
I stormed out of the room, attacked the floor with the broom and the mop, put the washed clothes to dry and even cut the vegetables. When I looked at the clock, I still seemed to have 5 minutes to the next call. The energy out of the short lived anger emotion inside me had worked its charm.
Now imagine the energy that would be released by a storm of anger that would be lying inside you for months, years, or even decades. Remember that this emotion would have the power to create and at the same time, the power to destroy. How you choose to nurture this beast lies completely in your hands. It is no one else but you who decides what you want to do with this energy waiting to erupt.
#01 of our simple life lessons for the day:
Remember, it is a choice that has the power to create or destroy!